Lashon Hara & Talking Trash

The past few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about the importance of speaking kindly about others, and about how easy and yet how harmful it can be to gossip. Gossip can feel good because it brings us closer to the people we’re with, but it is ultimately harmful to ourselves, to the people we’re talking to, and to the people we are talking about. How can we stop?

It requires real compassion, and an understanding that we don’t have the full story on everyone around us. We need to be aware of the power of our words and be truly committed to living a life of love and non-violence. As a dear friend put it, “everyone needs a little grace.” I love reminding myself of that when I’m tempted to speak about others in a judgmental way, which happens especially when I’m around other people who have a tendency to gossip.

It’s embarrassing for me to admit I’ve sometimes gossiped, especially when I’m committed to living a life of healing and spiritual development. It can be so easy to walk down that human path sometimes, but it just takes a little awareness and a firm decision to use our words to build up and not to break down. We don’t know what other people are going through, and talking about their perceived faults doesn’t help them or you.

I used the Hebrew term Lashon Hara in the title because those are the words that keep coming to me when I’m tempted to gossip or when I’m around someone who is about to start gossiping. It gives a tangible name to it and reminds me to not engage. It feels like a weighty reminder to keep on the path of love.

Now, this is not the same as going to therapy, or talking with a trusted friend about something that’s bothering you. To me that is pretty different, and is about getting something off of your chest. You will know the difference because the motivation is very different!

I’ll close with this Chasidic tale that I found on the Jewish Virtual Library, which really brings home the harm gossip and untruthful speech about others can do:

A man went about the community telling malicious lies about the rabbi. Later, he realized the wrong he had done, and began to feel remorse. He went to the rabbi and begged his forgiveness, saying he would do anything he could to make amends. The rabbi told the man, “Take a feather pillow, cut it open, and scatter the feathers to the winds.” The man thought this was a strange request, but it was a simple enough task, and he did it gladly. When he returned to tell the rabbi that he had done it, the rabbi said, “Now, go and gather the feathers. Because you can no more make amends for the damage your words have done than you can recollect the feathers.”

It’s a little intense but a good point! I’m going to keep trying to use my words for kindness, understanding, compassion, and love. I hope you will join me.

See you next month!